Gone
by Abidilydaly131
Summary: Elliot has left her. And all Olivia can do to hold on...is to let go.
1. Chapter 1

So after hearing that Chris will/may not be returning to SVU in the fall, my first reaction was "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" but then I thought about an amazing scenario, and wanted to write a one-shot about it, so I did. Some of you may think this is too similar to that locker-room scene after Olivia transferred to CC back in season 7 (of course this is with Elliot leaving instead of Liv) and I admit I did gather some inspiration from that scene. And this may seem a bit "out of character" at some times, BUT I hope you all like this. PLEASE R&R.

It was nine o'clock in the morning, and the precinct was crawling with people. They had just uncovered another body in a string of rape-homicides. Detectives Munch and Fin were busy taking calls from a tip-line, Cragen was discussing the latest dilemma with the newest ADA, and everyone seemed occupied. Everyone except Olivia Benson.

She stared at the empty desk in front of hers. It was cleared of papers and picture frames, and the only thing that remained was a government issued desktop computer and the mouse.

Olivia couldn't help but feel…empty.

He's gone…He's gone… She kept saying to herself. He had left and he was never coming back.

A single tear escaped her eye, and her heart broke silently.

Why had he left?

Oh yeah…He killed that girl…She reminded herself.

Elliot had shot their dead witnesses' daughter when she brought a gun into the precinct and shot their three perps, and several innocent bystanders.

He had no choice, right? If he hadn't of shot, the girl probably would have killed others…so it was the right thing to do, wasn't it? Olivia asked herself, No…it wasn't right…it was necessary.

She let out a sigh, and stood from her desk, and walked to the locker room. She needed to think…

How could he be so selfish? She thought, kicking the lockers, and sitting on the bench with a humph, He knew I would have stood by him, and helped him…He knew I wouldn't have questioned his actions or motive…Why? Why did he leave ...me?

More tears fell and she could do nothing to stop them. She stood and leaned against the wall, sliding to the floor with a sob. She hugged her knees close to her chest and cried. She cried the hardest she had ever cried before; even more than the Gitano incident, even more than when her mother died, even more then the day she realized she loved her partner and would never have him. She felt as though she was dying inside, and she just wanted to feel ok again.

She heard footsteps, but didn't care. She just ignored them and buried her tear stricken face in her crossed arms.

"Liv?" A voice called from above her. It was Elliot, "Olivia…"

A hand rested on her shoulder and he sat down beside her.

"Why...Why didn't you tell me?" She asked through her sobs. He hadn't even called her to tell her he had left. Cragen had told her in his office, along with Munch and Fin. Nothing special, or ceremonious, "Why didn't you talk to me? Elliot…I…" A sob crawled up her throat, and she turned away as another wave of tears threatened to escape.

"Olivia…Olivia I didn't think I'd be able to leave if I did talk to you. You have been my partner for as long as I dare to remember, and I knew you would persuade me to stay. But I need to leave SVU, Liv, I just…" He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "I don't want to lose you, too."

"But you are, Elliot," She said, turning to look him in the eye, "You're losing me, and I'm losing you. I just…Elliot, I…I can't do this without you…" She said, looking at him. The realization that what she had said was true made her heart ache even more. She stood to her feet, looking at anything but Elliot.

"But you can, Liv. You were meant to be here, in SVU. It's who you are, Olivia. You are SVU, you need this..." He said, standing, and rubbing her arm, trying to comfort her.

"So do you," Olivia whispered. Elliot sighed and drew her close to embrace her, but she held her hand up, "Don't please, just…Please, El. I can't…" She tore away, and ran out of the room.

Elliot stood alone in the locker-room; his whole life was falling apart. He hadn't meant to hurt Olivia, and he had no idea she would be so torn up about his leaving the unit. If he had known…

"Olivia!" He ran after her, and met her at the elevators, "Please, you've got to believe me, Liv-"

"Please, Elliot, just leave me alone! I can't…Please El." She tried to walk away again, but Elliot grabbed her arm and twirled her around to face him.

"No, Liv, I am not letting you walk away until we get this straight. I am not leaving you, Olivia, I'm just…"

Olivia interrupted, "…leaving?" She asked, anger boiling up inside her.

Elliot nodded, "I can't take this anymore, I can't take SVU anymore. It's not where I need to be."

Olivia looked down at the floor, listening to what he said, but never letting his words change how hurt, how lost, how betrayed she felt, "Well, I hope you find the place where you belong, El, 'cause if you ask me, you won't find it anywhere but here," She said, getting right in his face, her anger threatening to explode.

They stared into each other's eyes, each with their own emotion and fury, but suddenly the anger subsided, and they both realized their proximity. Elliot still held her arm, and they were only centimeters away from being completely against one another.

Without knowing what he was doing, Elliot reached up, and cupped Olivia's face in his hand.

"El? What are you-" Olivia let out a gasp as Elliot leaned forward and placed a strong kiss on her lips. Time stopped in its tracks.

Olivia was completely still, and Elliot wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed her close, never breaking the moment. Suddenly Olivia's senses returned and she realized what was happening.

"El, please, stop, I can't…" Olivia pulled away and stepped back, staring in disbelief at Elliot, who starred back in astonishment.

"Olivia, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…I, just…" Elliot tried to explain himself, but words failed.

Olivia stared at the floor, again not listening to anything but her own heartbeat. It was quick and her breathing had quickened. She couldn't see straight, and she felt as though she was flying.

"Olivia? Liv, are you ok? Liv, answer me!" Elliot walked closer, and held out and arm to steady her.

Olivia came back to reality, and brushed his hand away, "Please, El, just…" She shook her head, still trying to shake off the feeling of his arms around her. Elliot tried to pull her into an embrace, but she pushed him away, again, "Don't, El. Just go, please…"

Elliot nodded, and before Olivia could call after him, he was gone.

He's gone…He's gone… The tears began to form again, and Olivia could do nothing to stop them.


	2. Chapter 2

So, I was going to keep this as a one-shot, but after some requests from other fan-writers and friends,

I have decided to try out another chapter…So here it goes…

Olivia stood in the precinct bathroom, splashing her face with water and trying to get a hold of herself. Elliot was gone…for good. She wanted to scream, yell, punch something. She had been terrible to Elliot, and she wanted to go back and change everything she had said.

She had no right to treat him that way. He was going through a rough spot in his life. He needed some space, and the job was just too much for him to handle at that point. Olivia understood that, and she knew what it felt like. She had left for Computer Crimes a couple years ago, to clear her head after Gitano, but she came back. Why couldn't Elliot do the same?

_He'll come back…I did, right?_ Olivia thought to herself, drying her face with a paper towel.

The small hope that Elliot might return gave Olivia the strength to walk back into the bustling chaos of the precinct. She lingered a bit as she passed the elevators. He had kissed her there…right there... She was transported back in time to that exact moment and she felt his arms around her, holding her close…

"_No!" _Her mind screamed, "He's my_ partner…" _She sighed as she corrected herself "…My _ex-partner…"_

The shadow of doubt and regret returned to hover over Olivia as she walked to her desk.

"Hey, Liv, Elliot was looking for you," Munch said, when he saw her coming. Apparently, he was unaware of the recent episode, and he was surprised to see Olivia so out-of-her-element.

"Um…Yeah, I saw him…" She said with a sheepish smile.

Munch came and leaned against her desk, looking over at Elliot's empty one, "Hm…This is going to be weird…SVU without Elliot. I mean Elliot…he always pulled through before. Sure, the shooting was bad and all, but what do you think it was that rattled his cage?"

"As much as I like discussing Elliot's personal thoughts, I have a lot to do right not, Munch, so…" Olivia said, pulling out a stack of papers, and trying to appear busy.

"Well then, I'll leave you to sulk in your own self-pity," He said, turning away.

Olivia looked up, "What does that mean?"

Munch rolled his eyes and walked back to explain, "Well, you don't have a partner anymore. Elliot left."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I-"

"What I'm saying is that you've been with him from the beginning, Liv. It'll be hard for you to adjust."

"Thank you, Munch, for stating the obvious, but now I really need to work," She said, running a hand through her hair and trying to ignore him.

"Fine, but if you need someone to talk to…" Munch offered as he walked to the break room.

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Munch," Olivia said, having no intention to follow up on his proposition.

Several hours later at Olivia's apartment…

*bzzz**bzzz*

Olivia's cellphone rang at 12:49 pm. She reached to grab it from the coffee table, where she had thrown it down before collapsing to fall asleep on the couch.

"Benson," she said, unconsciously fixing her hair and rubbing the mascara steaks off her face.

"Hey, um, it's me," It was the last person Olivia wanted to talk to right then.

"Uh, hi," She tried to sound dignified, but she was far from it.

"Um, I know it's a bad time, but-"

"No, it's fine. Shoot."

"Um…Can I meet you?" Elliot asked, his voice sounding weak and tired.

"El, I don't think that's a good idea-"The words poured out before she could check herself.

"I _really_ need to talk to you, Liv. Please?" He asked, pleading as though for his life.

Olivia felt hurt, sorry, betrayed, forsaken, angry, and every other emotion in between. She didn't want to be with Elliot any more than she had to, but she desperately wanted to see him, to talk to him. She didn't know if she would be able to stand the thought of him leaving SVU and not forgiving her.

"Liv? You there?" Elliot's voice pulled her from her meditation.

"Um, yeah, sure…Um…where?" She cleared her throat, and waited for him to give a place and time.

Elliot rattled off the name of their favorite coffee spot, and asked her to be there in fifteen minutes.

"You sure you want to see me?" He asked, "You don't have to feel obligated to come, I just…needed to see you again…."

"Yeah… I need to see you too…I…yeah," She said, ending the conversation with, "See you there…"

"Bye."

At the coffee shop…

Elliot sat in one of the three billion 24/7 coffee joints in Manhattan. He was casually sipping a cup of Joe, and waiting for Olivia. He had called her from the coffee shop, because he couldn't wait another minute without breaking down, and he wanted her there so he could say he was sorry to her face. He should have told her that he was leaving, and maybe it would be better for her to talk him out of it.

A thought flew to his mind, and caused the pit of his stomach to flip-flop.

_Oh God… I kissed her… _

He shouldn't have kissed her like that, in the middle of the precinct. The kiss was real, but it shouldn't have happened at all. It was the desperate act of a man who was losing everything he held dear. He was walking away from the only job that brought him both the satisfaction of a job well down, and the sinking, gut-wrenching feeling that he had let everyone down. He had already lost his wife several years ago, and even though she was still the mother of his children, something wasn't connecting like it used to. And above all else, the one thing he had never dreamed he would even come close to losing, he was losing his partner, his best friend, his…

The chime of bells rang as Olivia opened the shop door. She walked to Elliot, and he scooted over in the booth, so she sat beside him, rather than across the table. There was a warm cup of coffee waiting.

"Thanks," She said, picking it up and taking a sip.

"You're welcome," He said giving her a small smile.

They sat in silence for a moment, neither of them wanting to begin the awkward conversation. All they needed was each other, even if they didn't say anything. Just the feeling of being together was enough… for now…

"So…" Olivia finally began, "What did you need to see me about?" As if she didn't know already.

Elliot exhaled, and then inhaled deeply. This may have been harder than he thought, "Olivia, I want to…um…I…." He took another breath, "I want to be sure we don't end our…partnership on a bad note. My resignation…it has nothing to do with you, Liv. And I want to be sure you know that."

Olivia nodded and stared into the black liquid of her coffee, not wanting to make eye contact, "I know that El," She looked up, "I've always known that…"

Elliot looked confused, "But what you said back at the-"

"Forget what I said…I didn't mean any of it, well maybe some of it," She said, shrugging her shoulders and staring back into her coffee, and then looking back at Elliot, "I just…I was so concerned about what would happen to me…I guess…But if leaving SVU is what you think is best, for you, then I'll support your decision."

Elliot smiled, and looked into his own coffee cup. They remained silent.

*bzzzzz**bzzzzz* Elliot's phone interrupted their moment.

"Stabler…Hey I'll be home in a bit- Yes I am…No she- well…" He looked over at Olivia and then continued his phone conversation, "Sort of…What do you mean? No, we…" He motioned for Olivia to let him out of the booth, and he went to take the call outside.

As she waited for him to return, Olivia laid out some cash on the counter, and got ready to leave. Elliot walked back inside, his face dark and annoyed.

"You OK?" Olivia asked, handing him the scarf he left in the booth.

"Yeah, well, no…not really," He said, rolling his eyes, and gripping the table.

"Anything I can do to help?" She asked, concern and pity in her eyes.

Elliot shook his head, "No, it's Cathy…I can handle this one…thanks, though." He said, patting her softly on the shoulder.

Olivia smiled, and headed towards the door, but Elliot grabbed her arm, and stopped her from leaving.

"Wait, Liv…"

She turned to face him, hoping he didn't repeat the scene from that morning, because if he did, she wouldn't be able to hold back, "Yes, El?"

Elliot gazed into her eyes, and rubbed her arm, as if that was the only thing he could do to stay within the lines of partnership…ex-partnership, anyway. And it wasn't as if he hadn't crossed that line already…

"Thank you," He finally said.

Olivia smiled, and raised an eyebrow, "'Thanks' for what?" She asked.

Elliot looked at the floor, and then looked back into Olivia's eyes, "For being with me…for having my back all these years…"

"It's the least I could do, after all, 'who else would put up with me'?" She smiled, and Elliot grinned in return.

"Yeah…" He said, patting her on the back and opening the door for her as they stepped out into cold, brisk night of their City.

THE END...

...of a brilliant, amazingly fantastic twelve-years...THANKS CHRIS! WE 3 U!


End file.
